Here’s the scoop. I got a voicemail Saturday morning from a ward member telling me that she is throwing a candle party the following Thursday, and wanted to invite me. She said she had an invitation to give me, but hadn’t seen me in church the previous Sunday to give it to me personally. Also, because she’s in Primary, she never ‘sees’ anyone. Note: This is The Assumer from this post. We aren't super chummy.On Sunday I anticipated the exchange where she gave me the invite and I feigned excitement while trying to come up with a conflict of why I couldn’t go. Well Sunday came and went, and besides seated during sacrament meeting I only saw her at a distance down the hall between classes.
So here is my dilemma:
I know that I will not be buying any candles at this party (there’s not really any spot in the budget for party purchases, especially ones that cannot be eaten or used to cover the body).
Do I go ahead and attend, giving the appearance of being interested, but the disappointment of not buying? What if the peer pressure is too much and I give in and buy one? Then I have to come home and tell my husband I was too weak to say no. Or do I just go as an attempt to branch out and make more friends, just to learn that there is a reason why I am not friends with the party hosting/attending type?
OR
Do I just not go? The hubby and I can always use the QT (quality time), right? When I see the hostess next I can just small talk it like always and ignore the fact that I didn’t go to her party. It's not like we ever discussed it together. It is very easy to not get voicemails, right? And with not actual invitation (paper or e-vite), I don't even know what time it starts! These women’s husbands will eventually graduate Med school and move away, right? And if not, then hey, we’ll only be here for19 more months, right?
I guess it really comes down to what is ruder:
A: Go, eat the food, and hang out, full well knowing that you will not be making any purchases.
B: Being a no show.
Please, sound off.
10 comments:
Um I'm not sure if I already left a comment or not... so here's the same one again if I did already, heh.
Be a no show! Especially since you'll have to make an effort to even find out what time it starts. Effort implies intent to buy, of which you have none. Stay home and have hubby time!
sound off - DON'T GO! There is nothing worse then being at a party and not buying and feeling like you should buy!! And especially since she's not one of your good friends where you feel like you should go and "support her", no harm done!!
Good luck Poots!
p.s. - I hate it when the #1 use the excuse that they "don't see anyone" and #2, it's not that hard to slap a stamp on the invite and MAIL IT! Do people forget that we still HAVE a mail system in this country!?!?
How's THAT for sounding off!?!
pass... you'll just be sitting there the entire time wishing you were somewhere else... PASS...
ruth
Amen to previous commentators. Don't even sweat it!
Ugh! I hate this, and it always seems to happen in the Mormon society. My advice don't go and be very clear from the start that you don't feel comfortable doing ANY business with friends. We had some "friends" in Tampa who would always want us to get involved in their pyramid schemes or buy their candles, cards, etc. and finally I just told them that we don't feel comfortable doing any sort of business whatsoever with any of our friends. It hurt their feelings for a bit but they soon got over it and we were able to move on with our lives.
Oh! and about the baby conversation. UGH!! I have had that one a few times myself. John and I were married over 5 years before we had Grant and you can imagine the comments we got. I got married at 19 and was not ready to be a mom yet and when I was we had problems making it all work. (now that is when it got really hurtful). Everywhere I went people said little comments. I finally started to be really honest and people still would not shut up. AHH!! I am sorry Julie, but I think it is just something that people without kids are going to have to deal with. Some people with kids just don't get it. Especially that ones that got married at 19 and had babies at 19 and a half.
Good luck with this lady at church. I have met many like her and have learned to make other friends. Chances are, if she gets on your nerves she is getting on other people's nerves too.
Ugh! I hate this, and it always seems to happen in the Mormon society. My advice don't go and be very clear from the start that you don't feel comfortable doing ANY business with friends. We had some "friends" in Tampa who would always want us to get involved in their pyramid schemes or buy their candles, cards, etc. and finally I just told them that we don't feel comfortable doing any sort of business whatsoever with any of our friends. It hurt their feelings for a bit but they soon got over it and we were able to move on with our lives.
Oh! and about the baby conversation. UGH!! I have had that one a few times myself. John and I were married over 5 years before we had Grant and you can imagine the comments we got. I got married at 19 and was not ready to be a mom yet and when I was we had problems making it all work. (now that is when it got really hurtful). Everywhere I went people said little comments. I finally started to be really honest and people still would not shut up. AHH!! I am sorry Julie, but I think it is just something that people without kids are going to have to deal with. Some people with kids just don't get it. Especially that ones that got married at 19 and had babies at 19 and a half.
Good luck with this lady at church. I have met many like her and have learned to make other friends. Chances are, if she gets on your nerves she is getting on other people's nerves too.
Ugh! I hate this, and it always seems to happen in the Mormon society. My advice don't go and be very clear from the start that you don't feel comfortable doing ANY business with friends. We had some "friends" in Tampa who would always want us to get involved in their pyramid schemes or buy their candles, cards, etc. and finally I just told them that we don't feel comfortable doing any sort of business whatsoever with any of our friends. It hurt their feelings for a bit but they soon got over it and we were able to move on with our lives.
Oh! and about the baby conversation. UGH!! I have had that one a few times myself. John and I were married over 5 years before we had Grant and you can imagine the comments we got. I got married at 19 and was not ready to be a mom yet and when I was we had problems making it all work. (now that is when it got really hurtful). Everywhere I went people said little comments. I finally started to be really honest and people still would not shut up. AHH!! I am sorry Julie, but I think it is just something that people without kids are going to have to deal with. Some people with kids just don't get it. Especially that ones that got married at 19 and had babies at 19 and a half.
Good luck with this lady at church. I have met many like her and have learned to make other friends. Chances are, if she gets on your nerves she is getting on other people's nerves too.
Ugh! I hate this, and it always seems to happen in the Mormon society. My advice don't go and be very clear from the start that you don't feel comfortable doing ANY business with friends. We had some "friends" in Tampa who would always want us to get involved in their pyramid schemes or buy their candles, cards, etc. and finally I just told them that we don't feel comfortable doing any sort of business whatsoever with any of our friends. It hurt their feelings for a bit but they soon got over it and we were able to move on with our lives.
Oh! and about the baby conversation. UGH!! I have had that one a few times myself. John and I were married over 5 years before we had Grant and you can imagine the comments we got. I got married at 19 and was not ready to be a mom yet and when I was we had problems making it all work. (now that is when it got really hurtful). Everywhere I went people said little comments. I finally started to be really honest and people still would not shut up. AHH!! I am sorry Julie, but I think it is just something that people without kids are going to have to deal with. Some people with kids just don't get it. Especially that ones that got married at 19 and had babies at 19 and a half.
Good luck with this lady at church. I have met many like her and have learned to make other friends. Chances are, if she gets on your nerves she is getting on other people's nerves too.
I think I just posted the same think like 4 times. Oops! Sorry about that! I have never seen a blog that has to have owner approval. I was confused and distracted at the same time.
Julie! I'm so glad you found my blog and commented... because then I said "Julie who?" and found your blog and this post.
I'm loving catching up on what you've been up to. Yay for green smoothies, saying no to candle parties, etc.
I was in the "party" situation a few weeks ago and ignored the invitation entirely. Probably rude, but if asked I'd be forced to say I don't want to buy their stuff and that's hard to say politely. For what it's worth, ignoring worked like a charm.
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